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IN TIMES LONG FORGOTTEN, the first kernels of corn fell from the sky far above, locked deep within a meteorite, perhaps a shred of some unfortunate, fallen world.  This meteorite landed in what is now the Gulf of Mexico, causing a massive, cataclysmic impact—and catapulting the corn into the atmosphere, where it remained for hundreds of years before slowly drifting to earth in what is now known asCentral America.

There, the corn began its insidious life-cycle—a long, torturous march of endless, insatiable hunger.

Corn springs up from the earth from as much as a single kernel.  Legends hold that corn can spring up from half of a kernel, or even the ashes of a kernel, if it is planted atmidnightin the dark of the moon and fertilized with chicken droppings, fish heads, and the blood of a young lamb.   It grows with unnatural swiftness and resilience, springing up from the soil and spreading wide its unholy leaves, striving toward a star that is not the sun of its original homeworld.

When it is ready, the corn begins to let loose its predatory instincts, unfurling slender, clutching tendrils that farmers refer to with the charmingly bucolic name of ‘corn silk.’  But this seemingly innocuous title belies the terrifying purpose of the silk.

These whiplike tendrils seem harmless—and so they are, to creatures our size…for now.   They whip about in the air like the tentacles of a jellyfish, snagging small airborne creatures with microscopic, drawing them down their hollow length and into a fleshy sac beneath.  Each tendril is semi-independent, gathering its own food source, until at last it matures and withdraws to become a kernel, brooding in the dark beneath its protective husk.

If plucked early, when the corn plant is still alive, the multitude of kernels will remain ever still, unable to gather the energy they need to unfurl their hideous wings and take to the air.  For much of the history of mankind, this has been the case—but not always.  Legends of ancient monsters such as Quetzalcoatl, the Hydra, and certain examples of Japanese ‘devilfish’ lore illustrate in terrible detail exactly what happens if these yellowish predators escape into the wild.   Thus far, we have staved off extinction mostly by good luck—we pluck corn far too early for it to fully mature—but with more of the planet covered by corn than ever before in history, the danger has never been greater.

So as you unravel the silken strands of these deceptively tasty invaders from another world, be ever watchful, ever vigilant.  As the Grey Wardens of lore, we must be continually aware of the danger, wise in the knowledge that our corn-based existence rests on the narrow edge of a husk.  Stray but a little…and they will rise to consume us.

Spread the word, my friends.  Knowledge is power.

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2 Comments

  1. Corn is one of my favorite things to eat. Good to know I’m saving the world with my actions!


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